New week, fresh start, and all that jazz.

After yet another disappointment on the scale Monday night, I kicked my own ass. Hard.

I can't waste this opportunity to fix myself, so it HAS to work.

Yesterday I did all the right things, counted points, blah blah blah. And I still went over. Two of my snacks consisted of bread, and for lunch I had a frozen Healthy Choice that was 6 points straight out of the box...so maybe those sent me over.

Today I'm doing much better and on track, though I skipped breakfast. I do ok points-wise if I skip breakfast (and sleep till lunch) but that's not good for anything, all things considered. I am trying to figure out snacks that I like and meals I can put together with low point values that don't center on one point- and calorie-dense pre-packaged feature.

I'm trying to re-condition myself to like fruit. We've had lots of strawberries over the past few weeks, so I'm putting them in yogurt parfaits and smoothies and stuff. I'm trying to get in the habit of eating apples, and already this week I've eaten grapes a few times as a go-to snack. It's difficult to get all the stuff I need (protein, fiber) without meat, so I'm looking at a few meal-planning ideas to get a better handle on what I should be eating. I'm only down a total of about 4-5 pounds still, so hopefully this jump-start week will make some of the first real progress I've had in months - I could use it. I'm going crazy!

March 18th

I haven't kept up with this blog, much like a lot of things in my life. I've gotta just trudge on and go through the motions though and hope it sticks!

I thought I was going to quit Weight Watchers and didn't go for a few weeks, but the more I thought about it, I didn't want to be a *quitter* and I hadn't given it a fair shot, and I was kinda leaving my WW friend in the dust when she was in the home stretch, so I've gone back. I had expected a large gain during my hiatus, but I actually lost 0.6lbs. Then I went back this week and had gained the exact same amount back. I've only lost a total of 5lbs since August.

I didn't think my eating habits were that bad, but a lot of little things add up. Like peanut butter...I've gotten in the habit of using way too much, and that stuff is super calorie-dense. Also cheese...I'll take frozen dinners and add a bunch of parmesan cheese and have only been counting it as 1pt, but I've been using more like 3pts' worth.

Also, my entire body aches. I sit all day long, haven't been moving at all, get winded when I climb up our stairs, get achy if I do something out of the ordinary, so I'm really itching to get stronger. I don't like that my knees ache all the time and that my back is so weak it can't even hold me up.

One of my cousins got married last weekend and I just dumped the pics onto my computer. Looking at myself next to others made me super depressed. In my eyes, I look a lot differently than I do in real life. When I see photos of myself in situations I had self-assessed and I don't look like the idea of myself I had in my head, I get wicked depressed and embarrassed and ashamed and just UGH. I can't even take pictures of stuff in my hand (i.e., a camera phone pic of me holding something to send to a friend) because my hands look fat.

ENOUGH BITCHING.

I did the Wii Fit tonight for 30 minutes. I've moved it into my room (which, for various reasons, is the room in which I spend most of my time), so hopefully I'll be able to sneak a few workouts into my day. I've also got the bitchy trainer from Biggest Loser's Wii game, but I'm afraid to use it, because she's so mean and I'm so weak....yeah, I'm scared of a video game trainer. I'll do the Wii Fit a few more days and increase my self efficacy first.


Fatteh.

And Fatteh's Skinneh mom who didn't pass along the tall'n'slender gene.