Wednesday, March 18, 2009

March 18th

I haven't kept up with this blog, much like a lot of things in my life. I've gotta just trudge on and go through the motions though and hope it sticks!

I thought I was going to quit Weight Watchers and didn't go for a few weeks, but the more I thought about it, I didn't want to be a *quitter* and I hadn't given it a fair shot, and I was kinda leaving my WW friend in the dust when she was in the home stretch, so I've gone back. I had expected a large gain during my hiatus, but I actually lost 0.6lbs. Then I went back this week and had gained the exact same amount back. I've only lost a total of 5lbs since August.

I didn't think my eating habits were that bad, but a lot of little things add up. Like peanut butter...I've gotten in the habit of using way too much, and that stuff is super calorie-dense. Also cheese...I'll take frozen dinners and add a bunch of parmesan cheese and have only been counting it as 1pt, but I've been using more like 3pts' worth.

Also, my entire body aches. I sit all day long, haven't been moving at all, get winded when I climb up our stairs, get achy if I do something out of the ordinary, so I'm really itching to get stronger. I don't like that my knees ache all the time and that my back is so weak it can't even hold me up.

One of my cousins got married last weekend and I just dumped the pics onto my computer. Looking at myself next to others made me super depressed. In my eyes, I look a lot differently than I do in real life. When I see photos of myself in situations I had self-assessed and I don't look like the idea of myself I had in my head, I get wicked depressed and embarrassed and ashamed and just UGH. I can't even take pictures of stuff in my hand (i.e., a camera phone pic of me holding something to send to a friend) because my hands look fat.

ENOUGH BITCHING.

I did the Wii Fit tonight for 30 minutes. I've moved it into my room (which, for various reasons, is the room in which I spend most of my time), so hopefully I'll be able to sneak a few workouts into my day. I've also got the bitchy trainer from Biggest Loser's Wii game, but I'm afraid to use it, because she's so mean and I'm so weak....yeah, I'm scared of a video game trainer. I'll do the Wii Fit a few more days and increase my self efficacy first.


Fatteh.

And Fatteh's Skinneh mom who didn't pass along the tall'n'slender gene.

2 comments:

  1. Hi! I'm not sure how I found your blog, but I love it. I've read and read and read...

    And I just want to tell you? I think you're gorgeous. We are always SO much harder on ourselves. I know I see myself in a totally different set of eyes than everyone else does.

    I can't wait to follow your blog. You're very inspiring and real--and I love it. xo

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  2. Oh wow, this is an old post! THANK YOU so much for reading and following!! And thanks for the compliment. :)

    You're so right about us being so hard on ourselves...for every little success I have, I'm always saying "but it's not as good as it could be" or something like that. Blogging helps put myself into perspective, so again, thanks so much for reading!! I really appreciate it!! :D

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