Friday, August 7, 2009

Elation! Then deflation....

Last night at my weigh-in, I learned I had lost 3.2lbs last week! When I looked over the scale display upside-down, the number didn't sink in and I thought I had gained yet again. My leader said, "no, you did really well! and you reached 10lbs!" I got all teary-eyed and said "oh my gosh!! now I'm crying for a totally different reason!" because I've left the last few meetings in frustrated tears. So I bounced back to my seat and felt all smug and self-satisfied. When we did "celebrations" I proudly plucked my 5lb star from her hand and gladly shared my frustration over the past 2 months and my pride at it finally paying off.

When we moved on to the rest of the meeting, I started looking over my numbers and got a sinking feeling. They didn't add up. The grumpy little receptionist last week hadn't written down last week's weight (she wrote the change, just not the total), so my leader took my weight loss this week from the total 2 weeks ago (make sense?) Since I gained 0.4lbs last week, the calculation is now 0.4lbs off, meaning I'm still 0.4lbs away from 10. I didn't tell her because it wouldn't have made a difference - I doubt she would've made me scrape the star off my bookmark - but I was so bummed after that. I had texted my friends letting them know I 1) finally lost weight after 6 weeks of NOTHING, and 2) finally reached the next milestone. I had to text them back and tell them it was a miscalculation, and I just felt disappointed and sad and....it's stupid. I should be happy I finally lost weight and I'm so close to 10, but that stupid little star feels like an ill-gotten gain that I don't yet deserve.

Sorry for the wordiness and if it was rambly...the TV is blaring and I can't think and half-listen at the same time :P

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