Monday, August 17, 2009

Trying not to feel like a failure

The title of this post refers to two things this morning – my eating, and my decision to re-do Week 5 of C25K.  Just DSC07042yesterday I told myself not to have two frozen waffles smothered in almond butter during the week because two contained too many points.  What did I do this morning?  No, I didn’t eat two frozen waffles.  I ate two HOMEMADE waffles.  Even more calories/points.  Two of the Kashi frozen waffles contain a mere 3 points on their own.  These FiberOne bad boys contained 5 points without putting anything on top.  And put stuff on top I did, indeed.  They had almond butter and an entire banana on top as well as lite butter syrup (I’ve got to learn to better estimate my syrup needs…I always grossly overpour).  I forgot my flax, though.  smile_sad  So I estimate my breakfast this morning was 10 points.  OH WAIT, I also had milk + chai concentrate.  14 points total.  Almost half my day’s worth.  Awesome.   smile_sarcastic

I’ll make up about 5 or 6 from doing my C25K today, but I still feel like a failure.  I’ve always been an all-or-nothing thinker.  When I do something right and am proud of myself, I’m on top of the world and continue to make good choices.  When I “fail” at something, I get down on myself and am not as vigilant about making good decisions.  It’s not like I’m consciously thinking “oh I screwed that up, might as well blow the rest of the day,” but it sometimes feels like I manage to.

Back to C25K, I think I’m going to re-attempt Week 5.  I told myself I was going to push on through and stay on schedule no matter what, even if it meant having to take breaks.  However, after recovering from Friday’s 20 minute disaster, I’m going to listen to my body (oh my poor muscles) and retry Week 5.  I didn’t have any problem with Day 1’s intervals, the longest of which was 5 minutes.  Day 2 was harder, and I think I had to stop for water halfway through each 8 minute run.  I shouldn’t have even tried the 20 minute run on Day 3, but I pushed through it, hoping for a miracle, taking 3 breaks along the way.  I should have been able to do all 20 minutes without stopping if I had progressed like I was supposed to.  However, I’m still morbidly obese and am still trying to work on my endurance.  I just wasn’t ready to run 20 minutes without stopping yet.  (BTW, it does seem like a huge jump to go from running 8 minutes at once to running 20 minutes at once…I wish there was a 10-minute or 15-minute in-between)  In the long run (PUN!), I’ll be better off if I take it slow and do it right.  So, no, I’m not a failure for not getting there as fast as others.  I’m a winner for learning to listen to my body [cue sappy 70s after-school special music].

2 comments:

  1. Love this blog. Can't wait to watch/read your transformation. As for everyone running off in relationships/marriage/kids/homes - Try and look around you and be happy with you do have, like your health and wonderful friends who support and love you! You are awesome! Don't forget it. :)

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  2. Thanks, girlie. I do know I'm incredibly lucky to have what I do, and often when I get caught up in feeling down on myself, I stop to remember how bad others have it. It's hard though to not compare yourself to your peers after baseline luxuries/health are taken out of the equation, and I need to focus on myself and my own big picture instead of what others are accomplishing. :/

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