…and posted my weight in a ticker on my page. I was terrified to do it, I’m still shocked I did it, and I’m so embarrassed about doing it. But it’s there, and it’s going to keep going down. Big thanks to Chubby Stubby Kay for the pep talk about posting my weight!
This morning I woke up and was all ready to start my crap-free eating. I was going to have a Green Monster for brunch, so I waddled down to the kitchen where I discovered that Mom had baked biscuits to accompany my apple and pumpkin butter. So my plans changed and I ate the two biscuits instead.
Oh and I popped one of these mini-muffins while I was waiting the unbearably long 20 seconds for my biscuits to heat.
Why do I sabotage myself like this? I had plans, but those plans changed because something more easily accessible and better-tasting was right there at my fingertips. Granted, if they’re not in the house at all, I can’t eat them. I think that’s the hugest problem, definitely. Mom had taken these muffins on her trip this weekend and brought home the leftovers, so it’s not like I bought them to just have on-hand. The biscuits were the frozen bake-when-you-want type, and they were only in our house because of the spreads I had made…we shouldn’t have gotten them at all, that’s for sure. Mom and I both need to be more disciplined when it comes to buying “treats” to have at home.
Then when I was thinking what I should eat for lunch (while I was making and eating my biscuity brunch, of course), I opened the fridge to find the sushi I bought last night and totally forgot about! It’s my favoritest kind that isn’t always available, so when I saw it last night I jumped on it.
It’s not greasy pizza, but it’s not steamed veggies, either.
Then this:
My Kryptonite.
So I “failed” at what I had wanted to do/eat so far…but it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. I need to keep reminding myself that I’m not as horrible as I make myself out to be sometimes. However, I did a pretty good thing by GOING TO THE GYM!! I haven’t been to the gym in over a month (I used to go 3x/week for C25K, and I can’t remember the last time I went and used the machines), so it was daunting to go back. There is a bank of elliptical machines I like to get on because they’re under fans, but today there were people on almost all of them. I’m weird about working out next to people – I’m so self-conscious, I gotsta have my space – so I went for a line of machines I’m not comfy with because they’re in the middle of the room and have no fans. Aaaand it took me about 5 minutes of using one to realize they don’t have the arm pole thingies my favorite ones do…these just have the rails you hold onto, so the workout isn’t as great.
RAMBLE BITCH MOAN RANT
Sorry. I did 10 minutes going forward on the elliptical and 10 minutes going backward, all while watching The Colbert Report on the little TV, then I did 10 minutes on the rowing machine while I listened to the iPod. Dude, after not doing any intense cardiovascular workouts for a month, I could really tell my endurance was waaaay down. When I was running, I was able to do 30 minutes on the elliptical pretty easily (I say “easily,” but I get bored and listless on the machine and end up looking at the clock way too much, which is terrible for my morale), and today only 20 minutes about killed me. Plus, it REALLY helps having fans on you…like, night and day difference, so I had that against me today.
Enough about the fans, Katherine.
When I got home, I was in such a great mood and felt good about myself and all that jazz, so I made a Green Monster!! I put in a cup of almond milk, a couple big handfuls of spinach, a frozen banana, a scoop of protein powder, some ground flaxseed, and a bit of canned pumpkin.
This was pretty flippin’ awesome.
Mom and I ran some errands, so after we got home, I started working on dinner and had a snack…
This is the Chardonnay from World Market…not bad! (See my Pants in the background? Yeah, my dog’s nickname is “Pants.” Her name is Madigan which I shorten to Maddy a lot, so I called her MaddyPants a bit, and now it’s just Pants. I have issues.)
Here’s the label:
For dinner I made a repeat of the salad I had over the weekend, my apple/gorgonzola/almond/apple vinaigrette salad…
with butternut squash pasta…
I made this a few times last year and didn’t use the same recipe this time…I should’ve made sure it was the EXACT same, because last year’s version was KICKASS…this one was kinda meh. It’s got butternut squash, cottage cheese (the recipe called for ricotta but I forgot it), parmesan cheese, thyme, garlic, and walnuts all over penne pasta and baked. Next time I make it, it’ll be up to last year’s standards, definitely.
I made more cake pops BUT – DON’T FUSS AT ME YET - I am giving most of them away. I was trying to practice my technique before making my commissioned batch later this week. These didn’t have sticks in them, so they were just little cake truffles. I added shortening to the chocolate candy coating stuff to make it smoother, but it still wasn’t how I’d like it to be. I shudder to think how much shortening I’ll have to add to make it the pourable consistency I’m looking for.
Oh yeah, I enjoyed these while I was working on the cake truffles:
I’ll be an SNL fan until the day either it dies or I die. I don’t care how bad it’s gotten, I’m in love with the format, the history, the legacy…I hope it turns around this season, because it’s painful to see it crashing and burning so bad. 
I sampled a truffle or two, and then I ran out of the white chocolate coating and melted some Reese’s baking chips to cover two leftover balls (tee hee) for Mom and me, then I topped them with Heath bits. I definitely like the white chocolate better than this.
So tomorrow WILL be better, eating-wise. I will eat more whole foods and FEWER CAKE BALLS, DAMN IT.
Oh one other thing – I’ve “joined” a challenge that sounds perfect for me. The goal is to get 30 minutes of exercise 5 days a week, which is supposed to work out to 2500 minutes by the end of the year (I totally trust TeeTee_71 that the minutes add up…I’m far too lazy to check). I’ve added a ticker on the right side of the blog layout that counts down my minutes (under my scary horrible terrible weight!!). I’ve always wanted to try a challenge but for some reason have always been reluctant to join – probably the accountability issue. It’s difficult to put yourself out there and invite yourself to fail (there I go being a pessimist again) in front of others, but this way it’s not like I’m reporting to anyone directly, so it’s a good way to get my feet wet, in my opinion.
WOW I’m rambling a lot…and I’ve been watching late-night talk shows while I’ve been writing, so hopefully this doesn’t sound too spacy and flighty. Is anyone else as enamored with John Krasinski as I am? He is always so funny on talk shows, and tonight’s Conan did not disappoint – he and Conan playing improv marionettes was hilarious!
I’M BORING MYSELF AND FALLING ASLEEP AT THE KEEEEEEYS. Goodnight, all! 
I think that you shouldn't feel bad AT all for the weight that you've put up. The first step in getting the weight off and living a healthy lifestyle is to be honest with yourself as to where you are.
ReplyDeleteI have been the victim to the 'perect' day intentions to then blow it by sabatoge. I think that having the mentality that you're going to have a perfect day always sets one up for failure.
I am reading this book on Mindless Eating, it's all based in research. The biggest thing that has hit me is to eat 20% less then you normally would.
Right now...eating just a bit less then you would normally of the things that you are eating is a good start. It isn't easy at the beginning to leave food behind, or in the fridge, or on the stove. But just remind yourself that 'I eat 20% less'. Pound that in your brain. Then try and move to healthier options, etc.
It's just an idea which has helped me a lot.
Good luck. 'I am losing weight'...pound that into your head as well :)