Monday, August 15, 2011

Who am I?

Misery loves company.  You know who also loves company?  20-somethings who don’t know where the hell their lives are going.  My buddy Jordy recently wrote a blog about trying to figure out who he really is, and it made me realize that I owe it to myself to do the same.  Sometimes I find myself changing based on who I’m around, and I realize it’s because I’m so insecure with myself that I try too hard to fit in.  Not cool, Kat.

So who am I?  What do I like?  I think I set a negative tone up there with the word “misery” – I don’t think it’s a burden to be in this position but rather a gift (that’s what I’m telling myself, at least!).  I’m not trying to kiss anyone’s ass at the moment (I’m single, living on my own, am happy in my job), so I’m in a place where I can really spend time to find myself and find some internal motivation to lose weight and keep it off.

So one decision at a time, I’m discovering myself.  To start exemplifying, here are several cell phone pics I’ve taken over the past couple of months of things that make me happy.  (Yes, I realize these are all external/material things…next step is identifying those intangible things that make me tick)

I appreciate the hell out of books.  I’ve always thought I was too impatient for novels so I’ve stocked up on coffee table books (see below), but I’m craving words lately.  I need to visit the library.

coffee table books

I used to be super-impulsive when it came to making decisions just to hurry up and *have* something.  Lately I’ve found it takes me a lot longer to make decisions because I know exactly what I want and don’t want to settle.  Case in point: I saw my perfect curtains in my head, and I didn’t give in to “good enough.”  I found exactly what I wanted even though it took awhile.

curtains

I used to make trendy impulse decisions that I’d soon come to regret, but I’m really pleased with my tastes in décor and clothing, and I don’t go back on a decision once I’ve made it.  Illustrated below – my new dresser (Ikea – don’t judge) and my late grandmother’s chair/ottoman I’ve been waiting years to get my hands on.  We had/have similar tastes.  Smile In contrast, that chandelier picture on the chair – total trend from 3 years ago…not sure I’m keeping it.

dresser and chair

While these pictures appear all “hey, look at my stuff,” to me they’re examples of my coming to make decisions for the right reasons.  Other decisions I’ve been making lately:  saying YES to things I probably would’ve turned down a few years ago, like kayaking a few weeks ago:

kat kayaking

And camping/tubing in the mountains this past weekend (no pictures of the actual action, but here’s where the tubing took place):

river

In both cases I was scared shitless before I went, almost wussed out, but had a great time once I got there (though it DOES suck to camp in the rain, I’m not gonna lie).  I can tell that stepping outside my comfort zone is helping me figure myself out a little more (especially by making me realize that I AM enough and can take care of myself), so I’m gonna keep doing it.  Have you pinpointed any activities or exercises that have helped you better discover yourself?