External Motivators Be Damned

I’m pretty much the queen of Leaving Them Hanging, eh?  The wedding happened.  The dress fit.


And a good time was had by all.

Lofton and Kat

And ever since then, I’ve been eating like crazy - a no-holds-barred sort of free-for-all for the past month.  To the tune of at least 5 pounds, to boot.  So…I think that’s a huge sign to me – external motivators to lose weight only make me rebound and “rebel.”  And now I’m getting sucked into the Holiday/New Year rationale traps:  “the holidays come once a year!” and “I’ll get through the holidays and then buckle down.”  I KNOW this is bullshit, and I try to convince others of it on a daily basis.  Is it so heavily ingrained into society that I’m falling prey to it?  Is it just an easy out to be lazy and not watch what I’m eating?  I’m also REALLY thinking about going gluten-free, but I know this is the wrong time of year to do it.  However, like with weight loss, now is as good a time as any, right?  I’ve been better over the past month or two with keeping a food diary, but it’s not consistent.  During the work week I’m about 80% on track with writing everything down, but over the weekend it all goes out the window, which is an easier excuse to eat crap. 

With the quarter-life crisis I seem to still be falling prey to, in addition to stupid irrational girl emotions that are taking over even when I’m consciously trying to squelch them, I find myself wanting to take up running again.  But I’m scared.  Scared my endurance won’t come back (I can jog a mile now with a few walk breaks), semi-scared someone driving by will kidnap me or yell something at me…these are IRRATIONAL fears, so I just need to get my ass out there and do it.

I’m also at a weird place where I LOVE being alone.  I LOVE my home and doing my own thing every day, but when I have the urge to hang out with people, the handful of good friends I have are rarely available.  So I’m at that point where I’m desperate – online dating, meetup.com, anything to meet new people.  But with these 5 pounds and recent blaaahhhh feeling, my confidence is shot.

Somebody call the waaahhhhmbulance – this post went to a dark, pitiful place!!